update latest post title and pub date

src/content/blog/fear-of-falling-behind.md

@@ -0,0 +1,13 @@
+---
+title: fear of falling behind
+description: The looming pressure of keeping up with everything
+pubDate: Oct 1 2025
+---
+
+I am lucky enough to be in an [environment](https://kennethnym.com/blog/your-environment-dictates-everything/) where I am surrounded by bright-minded, high-achieving people that are doing incredible work every day, and they are nothing short of inspiring. Safe to say - I am the dumbest person in the room. On one hand, I get to learn from them every day, driving myself to get better. On the other, comparison inevitably arises within myself, and it has been slowly getting onto me recently: will I ever be good enough?
+
+There is always a looming pressure within me to work hard to prove myself to people; to prove that I belong in the room; to prove that I am equally capable of brilliance. I always tell myself: if I ever slack off, I will fall behind, and I will be vacated from the room of smarts.
+
+Truthfully, no matter how hard I work, it will never feel enough. In the same vein that [validations](https://kennethnym.com/blog/the-pathological-desire-for-validation/) numb my insecurity and my wounds, working numbs the fear (which stems from my insecurity.) Neither makes the source of the problems go away. The answer to this is obvious: one should work not out of insecurity, but for the love of the game; for self-improvement; for themselves and **themselves only**.
+
+The problem now lies within addressing insecurities and wounds within each of us. For many, including myself, this is a life-long journey of self discovery: processing past events, learning from failures, powering through traumas, and sitting with discomforts. Regardless of what one does, always remember: symptom relieves are never the solution.

src/pages/index.astro

@@ -26,7 +26,7 @@ const posts = (await getBlogs()).sort(
 			</header>
 			<main class="py-8">
 				<p>
-					software engineer @ <Link href="https://www.gitpod.io">gitpod</Link>.
+					software engineer @ <Link href="https://ona.com">ona</Link>.
 					all opinions are my own.
 				</p>
 				<p>check out <Link href="/read">the books I am reading!</Link></p>