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+---
+title: Fear of Falling Behind
+description: The looming pressure of keeping up with everything
+pubDate: Aug 25 2025
+---
+
+I am lucky enough to be in an [environment](https://kennethnym.com/blog/your-environment-dictates-everything/) where I am surrounded by bright-minded, high-achieving people that are doing incredible work every day, and they are nothing short of inspiring. Safe to say - I am the dumbest person in the room. On one hand, I get to learn from them every day, driving myself to get better. On the other, comparison inevitably arises within myself, and it has been slowly getting onto me recently: will I ever be good enough?
+
+There is always a looming pressure within me to work hard to prove myself to people; to prove that I belong in the room; to prove that I am equally capable of brilliance. I always tell myself: if I ever slack off, I will fall behind, and I will be vacated from the room of smarts.
+
+Truthfully, no matter how hard I work, it will never feel enough. In the same vein that [validations](https://kennethnym.com/blog/the-pathological-desire-for-validation/) numb my insecurity and my wounds, working numbs the fear (which stems from my insecurity.) Neither makes the source of the problems go away. The answer to this is obvious: one should work not out of insecurity, but for the love of the game; for self-improvement; for themselves and **themselves only**.
+
+The problem now lies within addressing insecurities and wounds within each of us. For many, including myself, this is a life-long journey of self discovery: processing past events, learning from failures, powering through traumas, and sitting with discomforts. Regardless of what one does, always remember: symptom relieves are never the solution.