---
title: being alone
description: on loneliness
pubDate: Nov 4 2025
---

I am in the best place of my life. Living in a bustling city, exercising my passion for engineering and design in an amazing company with people who are equally passionate and talented.

Months ago, prior to joining Ona, I was at one of the lowest points of my life. I felt stuck, and I thought I’d never make it out. The only thing that kept me going was the amazing memories that I had made.

I fought hard. I applied to dozens of companies, but to no avail. Each rejection felt personal, and each made me lost a bit of the tiny hope that I held onto with every ounce of mental strength I had. 

Suddenly, Fate gifted me the most fantastic opportunity that I could ever ask for. Now, I am here, writing this in a beautiful foreign country that is to many a dream that can never be realized.

So what now? To my younger self, I have made it. My current self, however, is not satisfied. I want more.

“You are never enough.” The part of me that yearns for love tells me. I am loved! My friends enjoy being with me. My coworkers enjoy working with me. Yet I feel alone more than ever.

On the cosmic scale, I am but a bundle of inconsequential energy that will fade into the darkness.  I can find joy in myself. I can do things alone. However, I am also human. I want to connect. I want to be intimate. I want to experience what it means to bond with a person; to create lasting memories together; to love, and to be loved.

Until then, I am alone. People come and go. No one is coming to save me from my mental despair apart from myself. I shall be the sole fighter against my struggles, my doubters, and ultimately the impending doom of entropy.
