---
title: the mind prison
description: i cannot get out
pubDate: Feb 8  2026
hidden: true
---

i am stuck in the prison. no matter what i do, i cannot get out.  every day, my mind replays the same moments, the same voice, and the same platter of emotions. the grip i have on the pain makes me bleed enough to form oceans, but my hands are firmly wielded to it and i cannot let go. i cannot leave. i cannot escape. i cannot be bailed.

the only entertainment i have in the cell is my work. my life is so pitiful that working myself to death is the sole way to have fun. my purpose of life is to produce outputs for the benefits of others, behind bars.

all i ask for is reciprocation; to fulfill the human desire for connection. to others, however, i am not human. i am a machine. my sole value is defined by my output. when i ask for more, i get discarded. i get abandoned.

i should have learned my lesson. the false promise of being released is a lie. i am destined to be stuck forever. while others enjoy their connections that are given to them, i get asked to do more things. work! work! work! i will climb to the top!

here i am, standing atop the hill, alone. i made it to the top. what now?

i hate being a human. i wish i didn't have the desire to connect. ask for nothing; expect nothing. i am deeply undesirable. i have nothing but myself to blame. i am not enough. i never will be, no matter how much work i put in.

throughout 24 years of my life, not once did someone knock on my jail cell. "work on yourself!", "they will find you when the moment is right!", "you should be happy alone!". Lies! Lies! Lies!

i don't believe anyone anymore. there is no reason for me to trust anyone. relationships can end at a moment's notice, on their terms, never on mine. i am sick of living life on permanent vigilance, but i have to protect myself.

i am sick. i am suffocating in my own thoughts. i don't know what to do. all the work i have done is all undone.